THE DAY AFTER I GOT MARRIED

Dear Palak,

As you know, I got married yesterday. To the most beautiful girl in the world.

And yet I was thinking of you. I even visited your profile late at night after all the ruckus was over and stared at your photo for a really long time while Pallo slept beside me. I wondered how life would have been if it was you and not her sleeping beside me.

And it was at this moment that I realised it once again how much I love you. I wasn’t shocked by the realisation though. It made sense – me desperately trying to connect with you in the past few months, writing letters to you every now and then even though it’s been thirteen years since I last saw you, seeing you in my dreams…

And no, I didn’t feel bad about getting married to Pallo. I love her, too. The problem is I love her with whatever is left of me after loving you.

Don’t get me wrong. She means a world to me. I am just not sure if it’s enough.

I feel Pallo is like an extension of my body. My love for her is visible. You, on the other hand, are like my soul, my peace, if you know what I mean. And I probably will have to take this secret to the grave. Unless you read these letters some day.

Do all these sound confusing? How can someone be in love with two people at the same time? I think it’s possible. And I can assure you there is no lie in my love.

We are on our way to my parents’ place now. It’s a long and tedious journey. Pallo is sleeping in the car. So, thought of writing to you… I do share some of my letters with you these days. I hope I can share this letter too with you someday. But then again, I am so scared of losing you. What if you get angry and cut me off? Don’t do that. Please.

With love, hugs and other things,
P