18th Dec 2023

সন্ধেবেলা ঝগড়া হবে, হবে দুই বিছানা আলাদা
হপ্তা হপ্তা কথা বন্ধ মধ্যরাতে আচমকা মিলন
পাগলী, তোমার সঙ্গে ব্রক্ষ্মচারী জীবন কাটাব
পাগলী, তোমার সঙ্গে আদম ইভ কাটাব জীবন।

Evening disputes will lead to separate beds,
Weeks of silence, then sudden midnight unions.
Crazy girl, I’ll spend a celibate life with you,
Crazy girl, with you, I’ll live a life like Adam and Eve.

My dearest Palak,

Back when we were dating, Pallo and I, this poem by Joy Goswami was my anthem. I sincerely thought I would live this life, as depicted in this poem, with her.

Three years into the marriage and everything has changed. We fight a lot. More than ever. But there is no romance in the patch-ups anymore.

How could there be? When all the fights lead to the idea of us getting divorced? I still love her and I know she loves me too. But love isn’t enough anymore. It’s about freedom. To both of us.

She says she feels claustrophobic. She says people are moving ahead in their lives she is still stuck with my demons. What demons, you ask?

Well, it’s more to do with my parents. She doesn’t like them at all. In fact, she hates them. Why? Because of what they say and what they believe in. But then, you can’t blame them, right? They are from another generation altogether. And they have lived all their life in that small town. They do not have a progressive outlook on things that come naturally to people like you and me.

So, when they say stuff, Pallo interprets them as manipulative and all. Like when they say, “You guys should live together,” she thinks they are trying to sabotage her career and asking her to leave behind her clinic and job and come live with me.

They are not.

But Pallo believes from the core of her heart that they are not very good human being. And it bothers her that she is related to them. I do not know what to do. It’s been two years since she last spoke to them, which is fine. If you cannot tolerate each other, it’s better to maintain a distance. But this distance too isn’t helping. Every time, there is some argument between Pallo and me, she will bring in my parents and abuse them. And then she will ask for a divorce.

Not saying that my parents are innocent either. They are selfish and I know it more than anyone else. But that doesn’t mean that whatever impression they have on Pallo is right.

I am so done with it. It’s like I have lost my best friend after getting married.

I so wish you were here and I could talk to you. You know, you are the only person in this world to whom I can talk about all these. Dying to meet you. But I am not sure if I will tell you all these. You have your own demons to fight and I am coming to listen to you.

See you soon.

With love, hugs and other things,
P