THE DAY I KISSED PALLABI FOR THE FIRST TIME

Dear Palak,

So, it has been three months since Pallabi and I have started living together. 

Well, like I said earlier, this living-in situation is not because we are in a relationship. We both hated living with our roommates, we both needed rooms and new roommates, and we were best friends for the past five years. I had proposed to her a year and a half back, and even though she said no, I never gave up, and I was so clingy that I became her first choice as her roommate and so we took a 1BHK flat together.

But things have changed in the past few days. Actually, I guess, it started to change since we moved in together. You know, once you start living together, it becomes easier to express your feelings through actions rather than words. And I think a part of her had started believing how serious I was about her.

We remained best friends even after I had proposed to her, but a part of her knew that the friendship from my side had a motive. She used to behave rudely at times for no good reason, probably to drive me away from her, or maybe she was just showing the dark side of her nature.

But now, her attitude towards me was changing. And I felt Pallabi was falling for me. And that was the reason I got the courage to sit beside her at night for some time and caress her hair while she would try to sleep.

She didn’t stop me.

A week back, I took her hands in the darkness of the night and kissed them. She didn’t say anything. And that’s how it started. Every night, after caressing her hair for some time, I would kiss her goodnight on her cheek.

Two days back, I asked her if I could kiss her lips. She resisted, I insisted, and then it happened.

Well, it was not a kiss in the true sense of the word, just the tips of our lips touched. She didn’t part her lips and I didn’t dare to do it properly. To be honest, I was not confident enough to do that. Our tongues didn’t fight with each other.

I was kissed by this girl named Ankita once but it wasn’t consensual. I didn’t participate in it, if you know what I mean. I have seen couples kissing in the movies. But that was different. You can’t learn how to kiss just by seeing others do it.

Anyway, she was lying there like a corpse. ‘Do I have a bad breath?’ was all I could think. When I lifted my head, even in that faint light, I saw she was blushing. I was happy to see that and thought it was not that bad.

Next day, it was the same thing. Pallabi didn’t part her lips. But she blushed again. I decided not to lose hope.

Today, I decided to give it a try again… before we could go to sleep in our respective beds. Our lips touched again, and after five seconds, I lifted my head. She was smiling.

I asked, “What?”

She said, “You are twenty two, right? And you can’t even kiss properly.”

“Why don’t you teach me then?” I said, not sure how she would react.

She refused. I insisted again and again.

Then she took my Humpty Dumpty head in the cup of her hands, tilted her own head a bit and touched my lips with hers… Then she parted her lips…and…

It lasted for ten minutes.

I just came to my bed and thought of writing to you. I am so happy. And yet, a part of me is feeling guilty. I wish it had been you with whom I had my first proper kiss…

With love, hugs and other things,
P